


The way of the Grapefruit

by DJ Snazzy Snails (WritingFanficsWithMeAndKG)



Category: Kung Fu Panda (Movies)
Genre: Grapefruit, Meditation, Oogway and a Grapefruit, Oogway is lonely, Other, Papa Oog, R.I.P. Oogway, The temple is empty, grapefruit technique
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 01:41:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16030376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingFanficsWithMeAndKG/pseuds/DJ%20Snazzy%20Snails
Summary: Master Oogway is having trouble meditating as his mind seems to wander elsewhere... Left alone in the temple Oogway wonders if a Grapefruit could be so much more than just an item of food. Whether it could fulfill more than just hunger...





	The way of the Grapefruit

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy are you in for a trip... 
> 
> *No Grapefruits were harmed in the making of this fanfic*

It was 1pm; Time to start meditation. Ever since Oogway swore alliegence to the ancient ways of Kung Fu he had to meditate daily. It started out as a painful procedure. Five hours of standing still, left alone with your own thoughts can drive a tortoise slightly mad. Maybe that was the reason for all of Oogways slight eccentricities and quirks. Oogway soon grew accustomed to the sessions and before long found peace in the tranquility of the temple. This afternoon however, seemed different. Oogway felt a strange urge in the southern region of his shell, a feeling he thought he had managed to suppress. No matter how hard he tried to divert his mind to other topics he could not seem to shake this urge. A warm bead of sweat trailed down the back of his shell as he tried not to think of his old companion; his first lover. 

It had been two hours since the start of the session and Oogway felt ready to explode. He needed to relieve himself, It didn't matter what the rules of Kung Fu said. NO! Oogway decided that he would get through the meditation, evil was tempting him to perform such foul deeds. Oogway scrunched his eyes shut and repeated the quote that his master taught him in his head; "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift... that's why they call it the present." Oogway felt himself relax once more before his mind cascaded him with pictures of his ex-lover, curves and all. Oogway felt his mouth water and his mast rise as he thought about his past interactions with his lover. 

One hour left to go. Oogway was panicking more than before as his member leaked inside his shell. His mind kept painfully repeating his actions with his lover over and over and over. Oogway felt himself go faint and his eyes haze over. He felt his knees give in as he collapsed onto the cold, hard tile of the temple. When he opened his eyes he saw nothing but white. "Am I dead?" He thought. Not a minute later he was greeted by a vision of a large black woman. She looked him straight in the eye and said not a word. This exchange went on for what must have been half an hour before this omnipotent figure opened her mouth...

"GRAPEFRUIT YO MAN!" She exclaimed. Oogway felt a pang of heartache as he thought about his ex-lover once again. "Gabby the Grapefruit was her name," Oogway said, hot tears welling in his eyes. The figure took a few steps towards Oogway then touched his wrinkly forehead. Oogway felt all the memories of Gabby flowing through his mind, the good and the bad. Whilst this was happening Oogway could hear a faint voice uttering "GRAPEFRUIT YO MAN" before a loud bang shook Oogway and he felt his conscious fading.

Oogway awoke on the marble floor of the temple. He looked around disorientated before being brought back to reality by a sight he thought he would never see again. There before his eyes was Master Shifu, and in his hands was Oogway's Woman. "She's all yours man" Shifu said, obviously stoned out of his mind. Oogway didn't even wait for Shifu to leave the room. He turned the Grapefruit over looking for the familiar opening and to his delight it was just as juicy and enticing as the first time. Oogway threw off his shell, disregarding the need for any lubricant and got to work. His cries could be heard throughout the entire village.

Everyday at 1pm Oogway goes to the temple to complete his daily task. What he does for five hours is no secret though as his shrieks and moans are a common occurrence in the village. Some even say, if you listen carefully enough, you can hear a wet slurping noise and a voice saying the same phrase: "The best feeling yo man EVER gonna get is being...  
Grapefruited..."

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, but today is a gift. Grapefruits are also a gift"  
Master Oogway  
R.I.P.  
Unknown - 4th July 2008  
You will always be in our hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Insomnia can do strange things to the mind...
> 
> This fanfic was inspired by "Angels Grapefruit technique" and also by a recent rewatch of the first Kung Fu Panda movie
> 
> This fanfic was intended as a joke but let me be clear... there is NOTHING funny about pleasuring yo man with a Grapefruit.


End file.
